Then I dreamed that my dog had to be put to sleep...I woke up bawling my eyes out...then I went downstairs and hugged her so tightly that I'm surprised she didn't turn around and nip me!  ;D  She's a crab, but I love her.

For the record, I, like most people, support euthanasia for animals.  Also; I, unlike most people, support euthanasia for humans, as well (Well, we're animals too, but you get the point, right?).  Isn't it called assisted suicide or something?  Anyway, yeah...I mean, if I had huge, leaking tumors popping up all over me (like Meg did), I'd want to be put to sleep, too. 

Then the Animal-Rights-Freak part of my mind started pondering...Is it fair to put animals to sleep if you don't know for sure that they'd WANT you to do so?  I mean, with humans, at least you'd KNOW that they'd want to end their life, right?  What do you think?

     Music follows me everywhere, whether I like it or not.  I oftentimes have multiple songs simultaneously playing in my head, and, unfortunately, it tends to distract me from whatever it is I'm doing.  However, there is a part of me that always wants to hum along with every tune that pops into my head and appreciate it before it fades away and another song takes its place. Whether I'm listening to my iPod, singing in choir, writing a song, or just listening to a song playing on loop in my head, music always manages to find me at some point during the day, and I always welcome it.  My love of music is, in a way, like any stereotypical "obsession."  However, contrary to popular opinion, I believe that a little obsessing can be healthy.  Having an obsession provides one with both comfort during unpleasant times and relief when anxiety strikes.  One is able to set goals for both oneself and their obsession, and, when they achieve these goals, a sense of fulfillment is felt - a sense that one has accomplished something worthwhile.  My obsession with music comforts me, relieves my anxiety, and gives my life a purpose. 

            When I moved here four-and-a-half years ago, I was going through a phase that many a person goes through at some point during their adolescence - a phase where one feels purposeless, misunderstood, and evanescent.  I had no idea what I wanted, nor what others expected of me.  I was utterly confused when, upon entering the counselor's office the week before school started, I was presented with a schedule that contained six openings - for each of these openings, I was expected to pick a class.  After filling these openings with all of the classes I was required to take that semester, the first opening on the schedule was still empty.  According to the counselor, the only first hour class with room left for another student was choir - if I didn't want to be in choir, I would have to redo my entire schedule.  I decided that I didn't need any more confusion - as I printed "Symphonic Choir" in the remaining opening, the pencil seemed to want to fly out of my hand and save me from the unnecessary humiliation into which I was putting myself.  Images of Sister Mary, the music teacher at the small, rural Catholic school which I previously attended, plagued my mind, her mouth forming yellow-toothed grin as she made me sing scale after scale after scale.  Sure enough, when I walked into the choir room on the first day of ninth grade, my baggy clothes and long, never-cut hair hanging off of me, I could immediately tell that I was different from the rest of the people there.  However, when we started singing, I felt the clashing contrast between the other students and myself dissolve in the harmony, and, for the first time, I truly enjoyed music. 

               Once in a while, I think about what might have happened if I hadn't signed up for choir that semester, if I felt up to changing around that schedule.  What would my life revolve around today?  Would I look and act the same as I do now?  Would I be just as happy as I am now? 

            Today, music is a vital part of my life.  I am still in choir, and I am studying Italian opera as well.  Many of my friends are in bands, and I hope to be in one soon as well.  Whenever I sing, and whenever I listen to the music of one of my favorite bands, I feel a sense of happiness which I cannot seem to experience in any other situation.  As the melodies and harmonies seep inside me, they brush up against feelings, and untie emotions.  As different as every song I hear makes me feel, I know that each one reflects a separate component of myself.  I believe that, since that nerve-racking morning nearly half a decade ago, my purpose in life has been defined by the dynamic quality of music.  Both it and myself are ever-changing creatures.  We have bipolar tendencies; each of us are able to go from an upbeat rhythm to a minor key within seconds.  We can be forte and powerful one moment, but slow, meandering, and pianissimo the next.  It's impossible to define either of us with a single label or genre, because each of us is made up of countless components, disguised as a single entity. 

            I believe that music is able to help many a person and treat many an ailment.  Along with relieving depression and anxiety, certain studies have shown that music is capable of curing certain neurological conditions - this is known as music therapy.  Incorporating music into therapy for patients suffering from conditions such as Alzheimer's, dementia, and Parkinson's disease is a fairly new concept; "...[It] has been an established medical practice since the 1950s...within the last ten years, three schools have been established to train and certify musicians to play therapeutic music" (Richards, Johnson, Sparks, and Emerson).  According to body-mind-skills specialist Shirley Archer, "Music therapy works by stimulating parts of the brain that are associated with music...For example, in a person with Alzheimer's disease...Listening to music...can indirectly stimulate the recall of memory fragments that otherwise could not be retrieved."  Seeing that music has earned itself a place in the medical field, I believe that more people will be able to appreciate the importance of it as I do.

            My strong appreciation for/obsession with music has kept me grounded in these recent years.  It pulled me out of a sea of incomprehensible depression and abstract wishes, and gave me a purpose, a passion, and a way in which to define myself.  Whether it surrounds me or is confined to the back of my mind, it is always there for me, ready to give me confidence and motivation.  I hope it follows me through the rest of my life. 

I'm telling you, it CAN be done!

...As many of you know, I am a full-blown internet addict.  I'm online at least twice a day, and, even then, I'll get these nearly-irresistable urges to check my email, FailSpace, etc during the day.  And you know what?  I can't even think of a rational reason WHY I'm this way, why my life seems to revolve around the world wide web...maybe it's b/c people are always ready to talk here, or because I have a slight case of hypergraphia, and have to write about absolutely EVERYTHING...or maybe because I really do have no life, and nothing better to do.  The internet is like crack for me.

Except, I'll probably get fat and near-sighted from it, instead of skinny and brain-damaged.

Recently, my mother (who knows next to nothing about computers) was online, and my computer claimed that it had 40+ viruses.  That little devil...the things it does for attention...anyway, my mother freaked out, of course, and banned everyone from the comp.  "Everyone" meaning everyone in the house except herself, my brother, and my father...AKA...just me. 

My father came and looked at it, and found out that someone had turned the firewall off (I have no fucking idea who did this)...Well, he needed SOMEONE to blame this on, and, since I was there, and I was neither his beloved son nor wife, he decided that this someone should be me. 

[See why I always complain about my family?!  Hah, at least I have valid reasons, huh?]

[I'm using a CPU in the NMC libe right now]

Well, here is a list of fun, productive (AKA tedious, mind-numbing) things you can do, if you are ever unfortunate enough to be in the same situation as I am in at the moment.  ;)

1.  Read every single book in your house.  After you've finished rereading all of your own books, move on to your little brother's old books - you know, the ones with the talking cars and trucks?  After you've read all those front-to-back, go into the kitchen and read / drool over all the cookbooks, and then, if you're really, reely desperate, go into your study and read all those archaic-looking, dusty tomes that probably haven't left the shelf in your entire life...but try not to glance over at the computer, or you may start crying.

2.  Then there are always the labels on jars, cans, etc.

3.  Watch Disturbia.  That d00d will feel your pain.

4.  Build a cute little house out of twinkies.

5.  Get a pair of binoculars and spy on your neighbors...you never know; one could be a serial killer!

6.  So, after all this reading and spying, your eyes will probably feel about ready to fall out of their sockets...so sleep!  Sleep b/c you're tired, and b/c your eyes burn...and then, after they've stopped burning, and you're not tired anymore...keep.  Sleeping.  Sleepallyoucansleep!  Dream about high-speed internet, strong coffee, and those cute mice that light up...

7.  Call a friend or your BF / GF and see if they have anything interesting to say.  If they don't, make them talk to you anyway.  Guilt-trip, if necessary:  Tell them that you're crying tears of mind-numbing boredom, and that you're so bored that you now know that there are 57 tiles on the ceiling in your kitchen, and that, one day, you'll paint a portrait of them up there, if they rescue you from your tomb of tediousness!

8.  After they get tired of you repeatedly asking them "So, what are you doing now??" and hang up on you, sleep some more.  Dream about those happy, shiny, light-up mousies again.

9.  Find a random closet in your house and take everything out of it.  I don't know why this feels so good; it just does.

10.  It feels even better if you throw the stuff away!

11.  Clean absolutely everything in your house.  Dust the stair rail, clean the windows, vacuum floor and furniture, etc.  Then freak out like a maniac every time you see someone touch a window, or wear their shoes in the house...or take a glass out of that cupboard which you so meticulously organised...

12.  Bake things.  Lots of things.  Use up all the flour and sugar, and watch how pissed off your mother gets!  >: D  However, if your cakes and cookies start coming out of the oven shaped like miniature computers / mice, I'd start to worry...

13.  Now it's time to go outiside (Yes, the place known as "Outside" still exists, and people still go to it.)...Yeah, I said it!  There are lots of things you can do outside...

14.  Build a freaking moat!  Just grab a fairly good size shovel and dig a trench around your house...then, wait for it to rain, and voilá!  You've got a moat!  If you want to be extra-fancy, you can even get a piece of wood that spans the width of the trench, and say it's a toll bridge!  ;)  Make sure to have a password, too - I mean, if you can't have fun in your house, you can at least have fun trying to keep people out if it, right?    

15.  Sit on your front porch and stare at people.  Don't talk, don't wave, just STARE.

...IDK, it's fun.

16.  Go inside, get a piece of paper and a pen, and write a list like this one.  Even though you didn't really do any of the things on this list, you've suddenly got this insane urge to blog...you keep looking for the "Preview and Post" button on the countertop on which you are writing...but you can't see it...you so desperately want to post this blog...you snap your pen in half, and...LyK, OMG$%^$*$*&*$%&$^**%^*%^*^%*%^*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111

Here's another one of those clichéd discussion-esque blogs for you.

Believe it or not, I'm okay with labels {Just to clarify, I'm not talking about the type that come on soup cans!}.  Labels help us distinguish between different ideas and whatnot - imagine if we couldn't do that! 

...I guess the world would still function, but things would certainly be a lot more confusing!

If people want to label themselves, then they should just go for it.  There's nothing wrong with that - It's just a form of defining yourself, and everyone should be able to know who you are, right?  RIGHT?

However, just because you put yourself under that label DOESN'T NECESSARILY mean you have to be a part of EVERYTHING that fits under that label - Hey, it's okay to wear polos and Tripp pants together, alright?  Whatever makes you happy.  Haha.

I actually don't put myself under any sort of label.  Psh, I like so many different types of things...If I tried to stereotype them all, and then build a label out of all those stereotypes, it would probably be something along the lines of...DHRJRTJHRTHRTHH

"So Laura, what kind of style do you like best?"

"Me?  Oh, I'm really into the whole DHRJRTJHRTHRTHH thing right now; how about yourself?"

XD

However, one should not force labels on other people.  I mean, what if someone decided to refer to you as...oh, say "DHRJRTJHRTHRTHH," without your consent at all?  Yeah, you'd probably be pissed (Unless you're me...hah.../facepalm).

So, I personally prefer to live life sans-labels. 

What about you?

What do you think of labels?

Well, here is my failspace:  myspace.com/xtwilightxrainx

So...I started classes at the local college a few weeks ago, and my life has pretty much dissolved into a gigantic pool of chaos.  Fortunately, it's mostly the good type of craziness, but there has been some drama (Post-high school drama...d00d, there's no escape!). 

Overall, college is pretty sweet.  I was put in the hardcore math and chem classes, but, for some reason, everything we're doing in those classes is review for me, so that's pretty cool!  And then I'm in a normal history class...Haha, I got like...somewhere between 85 and 95% on the last two tests, and I haven't even opened the book yet!  Oh, and then there's choir...choir is always fun.  I met another Wiccan chica in my section, so that's cool.

The whole hanging-out-with-friends deal has changed a lot for me, too.  A lot of my peeps are still at the high school - which is right next door, so I go + visit them / laugh at their high-school-ness - so there's just a little group of us here.  And, for some odd reason, the majority of this group are guys, so I don't get a lot of  girl time these days.  Haha.  Oh well.  I never get tired of talking about vid games and dagohir.

Oh my gosh, <i>dagohir!</i>  Best sport ever (I say it's a sport; don't argue with me!)!  Google it.  Feast your eyes on the awesomeness.  I got my BF to play a few days ago, + now he's mad into it!

Yeah, I have a BF now - I think our one-monther will be next weekend.  ^_^

This is where the drama is...I love him to bits, but...this relationship just feels really different.  To make a long story short, he's ready for stuff that I'm not ready for, and we've had a few semi-arguments over this stuff.  Haha, and then he has a crazy ex, who's been giving him trouble ever since he started dating me, I guess.  + I feel really bad about that.  :(

But!  Other than that, things have been peachy.  Well, as peachy as you can get, when you're working twenty hrs a week, and you have class Mon through Thurs...

Okay, so my excuse for leaving this time is my "band" - It takes a lot of time + effort to start a band - especially if you're someone like me, who has no fucking idea what they're doing! 

But no, I haven't forgotten about this place! 

Hope everyone's having a fantabulous week!

{Larz776 tagged me!}

1.  I have a fear of rejection / failure, and I definitely won't admit that to anyone in person.

2.  I know I may seem like a very independent individual - and I am - but I feel that I need one special person to be there for me - good friend, lover, whatever.  And, when I have no one, it hurts.  It's the most painful thing, emotionally, that I've ever felt...although I try my best not to show it, and save my bitching for online.

3.  I LOVE the arts and I LOVE science.  It feels like the two sides of my brain are locked in some sort of battle, all the time!

4.  I talk really loudly, and sing even louder. 

5.  There's a bipolar elf named Dmitri living in my microwave.

6.  I'm more random than a dead baby in a picnic basket.

7.  I sing along to my musikk...when no one's listening...

8.  I may look kinda delinquent-like / stupid / just plain psycho, but I always aim to succeed, and I don't do any sort of drugs (I kid you not!). 

I think I’ve been into artsy stuff ever since…Well, ever since I started finger-painting…which was probably before I started walking!  Drawing / painting was never really my thing (Heh…you should’ve seen some of those finger paintings…), but I was into pretty much everything else.  Nowadays, I especially like designing / customizing  clothes, furniture…whatever.  I think it would be fun to redo a house someday.  I’m also into cooking – This is probably the only thing I could say I’m “gifted” with, seeing that, even if I’m not that sure of what I’m trying to make, everything always turns out okay…No burnt cookies, etc.  It’s really weird.  Oh, and then there’s singing and theatre – probably my two favourite things on the face of the earth right now.

Well, at the beginning of high school, I had my heart set on being some sort of writer.  Then…I had Honors ILA.  That class freaking drove me insane – I remember, on more than a few occasions, sitting and staring at a paper I was writing until the sun went down and my eyelids felt like they had lead weights on them, meticulously checking it over, and then asking half the people I know to edit it the next day.  Then I would turn the bloody thing in…and it would almost always come back covered in nasty red marks…like all the details I had gone over so many times had just been hacked out…haha.  Anyway, that class made me rethink what I wanted to do with my life, and, after taking AP lang (the year after), I totally ditched the idea of being a writer of any sort, because I had found something else that interested me.

I had become a full-on crime TV addict then, and the forensic science (though it was probably dramatized somewhat) in the shows I was watching really fascinated me.  I had just finished Honors chem, and, although it really challenged me, I liked most of it.  I researched this profession some more, and I found out something <i>really</i> nice about it – </i>Forensic scientists actually have money!</i>…which is something that most writers don’t acquire easily!  I figure that the reason they earn so much money is that they’re actually <i>helping</i> people – They help fight crime - something of which this world definitely has too much.  Do writers do anything important for this world?  To be honest, I can’t think of anything, let alone anything more important than fighting crime.  And so, up until now, I’ve had my heart set on pursuing a career in forensic science, and maybe keeping a few artistic endeavors as side projects.  However, not long after I registered for my classes this fall, I saw that, in the long run, I’m only going to have room in my life for one thing or the other…In other words, either the art or the science will have to go.

I have a three-part chem class this fall, which, undoubtedly, will take up at least 75% of my study time.  In fact, I figured I would be so busy studying for chem that I dropped English 111 – I’ll have to take it eventually, but I just can’t focus on those two classes at the same time.  I figure that, if I keep studying chem in college, I’ll end up with a job that will also take up at least 75% of my time – severely restricting time I could spend chillaxing (AKA, I’ll be a gigantic stress-ball.), doing any sort of hobby, or being with my family – that is, if I even end up starting a family, with my work and all.  <i>But</i> I would have money.  Enough money to have a lot of things that a lot of people aren’t able to have.  I’m starting to wonder if this is even going to be worth it.

Sometimes, I imagine what my life will be like if I decided to pursue writing again.  I don’t have the patience to actually write books, so I’d probably want to either write or edit stuff for a newspaper or magazine.  I wouldn’t make a lot of money – and, truthfully, my LA-related experiences in high school really made me think about what my chances are of actually succeeding in a career like this – especially with the limited job opportunities of the like around TC – but I would definitely be happy, or at least unstressed.  I’d also have time to stay in music and theatre – related stuff, and I’d probably have time to start a family, if I ever wanted to.  Honestly, the term “starving artist” has this strange, unique appeal to me!  I wouldn’t have much in the way of money, but I would manage…I think.

For now, I’m going to keep pursuing the degree I’ve decided to go for – It requires the most credits out of all the two-year degrees, so, even if I do change my mind, I probably won’t have to take a bunch more classes.  I really don’t know what else I can do.

If <i>anyone</i> here has ANY advice for me whatsoever, now’s the time to say so!